Unspoken Beginnings
by slingham
Summary: This story is set immediately following Olivia's capture in Season 15. No Cassidy. [Olivia/Amanda] I really felt like the show missed a huge opportunity for the two women to form a bond after Liv survived William Lewis, even just a solid friendship. Also inspiration came from "Say you won't let go" by James Arthur. This goes beyond friendship, possibly M in the future. T for now.
1. Chapter 1

Law and Order: SVU

Olivia Benson/Amanda Rollins

 **Unspoken Beginnings**

Author's notes: This takes place during Season 15, directly after William Lewis. NO CASSIDY. There might be mention of Amanda's gambling issues in the future, if I decide to take it there, but for right now she is in recovery and doing well. I felt like the show really missed an opportunity for Amanda and Olivia to connect when Liv was abducted, and because they are my favorite ship, I will forever sink with them. Thus, I created this. This fic goes beyond friendship, possibly M rated in the future.

Chapter One:

Amanda could feel her heart go crashing all the way down to her toes, and somehow even further, when those chestnut eyes locked onto her own from across the dusty, dry grassland that had been Olivia's surroundings during her days of torment at the hands of William Lewis. For the second time in less than a year, the same man had managed to get inside the head of the usually very prudent detective, successfully kidnapping and torturing her for four long days, while her fellow officers worked around the clock to obtain her whereabouts. Those eyes made Amanda's knees nearly buckle from underneath her, and she wanted nothing more than to be the one whose arms were enveloped around her uncharacteristically frail form. Amanda's soul was aching for her co-worker, her friend, and as she had been figuring out lately, something far more than that.

A few months prior, when Liv had been taken the first time, the desperation and panic the blonde felt trying to find her was stronger than anything she had ever felt before, further confirming her ever growing feelings. Not only was this woman someone she had admired for most of her career and someone she aspired to be even a fraction similar to , she also felt deep and confusing affection for the older detective. Although they had a rocky beginning, they were able to connect over a tough case, and slowly their friendship started budding. On occasion, their relationship took on a rather touch feely vibe, but Amanda would usually chalk it up to being a result of a lot of alcohol, the loneliness of the job, and more often than not, a particularly bad case. She had never been with a woman, or had feelings for a woman in the past, but she wasn't ignorant enough to say that it could never happen. Now, here she stood, locked in an optical embrace with the bruised and battered brunette, and she made a promise to herself that she would do whatever it would take to support and love Olivia, as she goes down the road of recovering. Not bothering to inform anyone where she was going, Amanda immediately threw herself in her car once Olivia had been taken to the hospital and headed in that very same direction.

Fin had been on the sidelines, watching the two women he had come to look at as family, and he had noticed a change between them recently. He could almost feel the intensity exchanged between them, and when he saw Amanda practically run back to her vehicle, he knew exactly where she was going. Without another thought in his mind, he turned to see the other member of his team walking back to the scene and followed him, knowing his partner would make sure Liv felt safe again.

Amanda wasn't even quite sure how she had managed to get to the hospital, not recollecting the drive there or how tear streaks had appeared down her reddened cheeks. She felt nothing and everything all at the same time, the bile of a heartbreaking nausea burning up her throat. For a special victims detective, who had years of training and experience, she wasn't handing this well. The unknowns of the situations were nearly crushing her. What had happened to Liv? Did that low life scum, did he…rape her? As soon as that thought flashed across her brain, Amanda's nausea turned into a white hot rage, and she all but ran to the information desk at the front of the hospital.

"Detective Amanda Rollins, Manhattan SVU," she piped to the bright young woman behind the desk, flashing her badge.

The young brunette's entire demeanor changed, causing Amanda's anxiety to kick in and she felt her hands begin to tremble. All she wanted to do was see Olivia with her own two eyes, to hold her and make sure that this was real. They had really found her, and this wasn't the dream she continually had when she managed to get a few hours sleep over the last few days.

"Room 24, go to-"

Amanda was gone, she didn't need to wait for instructions; she knew this floor of this hospital like it was the back of her hand. This wasn't her first time visiting a victim at Bellevue, and it certainly wouldn't be her last, but knowing that behind that door was the older detective and not a stranger she could disconnect from, made all the difference. Her pulse was hammering in her ears as she approached the plain wooden door, and while lightly knocking, she gradually opened it.

The room was dim, they always were, and when her eyes feel upon the figure in that sterile, white bed, she couldn't help but let another stray tear escape. She wanted so much to be strong for Olivia, but the emotions that were coursing through her entire being were more than she could usually handle. She knew Liv had heard her enter, but her brown eyes never shifted from their spot on the faded pink blanket that covered her feet. She was absorbing everything that had happened to her, in a safe environment, while still heavily in shock. Olivia was trying to compartmentalize her torment, a defense mechanism instilled in her long ago, to protect the very fragile, sensitive inside she masked for years behind her strong, badass Benson façade. Amanda slowly tiptoed over to the right side of the bed, and ever so tentatively, she took Olivia's hand in her own, perched herself on the end of the visitors' chair, and brought the entwined fingers to her lips. This finally broke the trance Olivia was under and when those watery chestnut orbs met the cerulean sea, the waves of despair washed over both women. Amanda brought her other hand gently up to the older woman's violaceous, swollen cheek and tenderly wiped the salty streaks with the pad of her thumb. No words were spoken, because nothing needed to be said between them, the talking would come later. Olivia nearly collapsed into Amanda's embrace, clinging to her notorious leather jacket as if the blonde was the only lifesaver in the middle of the thrashing ocean. Quickly, but gingerly as to avoid further injury, Amanda enveloped Liv in her arms, pressing her lips to the greasy, unkempt locks that reeked of booze and horror. She heard the most gut-wrenching sob escape from the woman in her arms, and she immediately threaded her fingers through the chocolate tresses as if to hold all the pieces of Olivia's soul together in the palm of her hands. She couldn't stop the tears that spilled onto her porcelain skin, as much as she tried, and for what seemed like eternity, the two women remained interlocked together.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"I thought I had lost you."

Those were the first words spoken between them. Amanda whispered them into Olivia's hair, when the older woman had become too exhausted to cry any longer. The only response she got was two arms circling her waist inside her jacket, and an elongated inhale as Liv drew in her scent, relishing in the serenity it brought her.

Olivia had known from the moment she had laid eyes on Amanda Rollins that she was going to be the death of her. With all the feelings of abandonment she was dealing with due to Elliot's departure without a word, she halted the sudden rumbling in her belly she encountered when their hands met in that first professional handshake. She had always regretted the way she had been toward the blonde when she first joined the squad, but she was only trying to protect herself. Amanda was so much like another person in her life that had completely abandoned her, with her strikingly beautiful blonde locks, piercing blue eyes, and legs that went on for days, mixed with her strong personality and passion for the job. With the recent wound of Elliot Stabler and the healing one of Alexandra Cabot, she was so cold hearted toward Amanda, when all the younger detective wanted to do was gain her approval. That was another one of those pesky defense mechanisms her brain had created in order to protect her heart from inevitable hurt. She wanted to make it right, to connect and quiet the growling beast within her soul, but she never seemed to have an opportunity, or perhaps, she was just making excuses to herself. Then one day, during a particularly tough case, Olivia had confided in Amanda with her tale of being undercover in Sealview, and although Amanda was very vague with her own tale of torment, the older detective knew from years of experience that there was much more behind it. A bond had been formed, and from there they had a more solid friendship that even extended outside of work hours. It had been so liberating for Olivia to finally have someone that she could confide in, that felt that same sense of duty for the job but understood the trials and tribulations of being a woman on the force. Over time, the embraces lengthened and the gazes lingered, and that rumbling in Olivia's belly has spread to encase her entire insides, and she wanted nothing more than to take Amanda in her arms and just dance, to only the whisperings of how much she adored the blonde.

The day before Amanda had called them all in on a rare day off, introducing William Lewis into their lives, it had happened. They were lounged out in Olivia's living room, two empty bottles of wine and several beer cans littered the mahogany coffee table in the center of the room, and soft, slow R&B was playing in the background. They were doubled over in laughter at some crazy story Amanda was telling about her time in Atlanta when Olivia's ears perked, as the melodic voice of Brian McKnight hit them, and with some liquid courage, she pulled herself up and extended a hand out to the younger woman.

"Dance with me?"

Amanda thought she had misheard her, she was dreaming, or the heavy amount of alcohol coursing through her veins was now playing tricks with her mind.

"What?" the blonde asked, finally meeting Olivia's gaze.

Although she was drunk, Olivia's anxiety rose with every passing second that those blue eyes searched her own. She swallowed it down, determined to not let her fear of rejection stop her.

"Dance with me?" Olivia asked again, a shy smile making its way to her lips as she felt the blush start rising in her cheeks.

Amanda bit the edge of her lip, and took the outstretched hand that pulled her from the floor. She was sure her heart was going to thump straight out of her chest when she felt one arm circle her waist, a hand rest on the small of her back, and another grasped her right hand and held her close. Amanda instantly relaxed into Olivia, looping her left arm around the older woman's neck, meshing their bodies together, as they swayed to the rhythm of the music. The brunette set the side of her chin against Amanda's temple, breathing in her intoxicating tropical scent, while bringing her even closer.

"I don't think you understand how important you are to me. How much I care about you," Olivia uttered softly, emotion making her voice even huskier than normal.

Amanda closed her eyes, inhaling the vanilla and sandalwood aroma that was so purely Olivia, drinking in the strength it gave her, before pulling back and searching for any amount of deceit or untruth in the dark cocoa gaze, seeing nothing but honesty and adoration shining back at her. Amanda broke eye contact, her inability to value her self-worth made this situation incredibly uncomfortable. She had absolutely no idea how she could possibly mean anything to this impeccable beauty that was still holding her close. Olivia gently put her hand under the young woman's chin, forcing her to continue their previous exploration of souls; their faces having inched even closer together.

"I guess I was right," Liv muttered, as she filled the miniscule space between them, enveloping those velvety, pink lips between her own.

She felt a sudden hitch of breath from the other woman that only lasted pure milliseconds, before she completely melted into the older woman's embrace. Amanda's mouth took on a life of it's own as she sought out more of Olivia, and her hands quickly followed. Starting from around Olivia's neck on pure instinct when the brunette had initiated the kiss, they were now traveling down and had planted themselves on the swell of her breasts, not wanting to cross that line until consent had been given to her. This made the older woman's heart burst, because she knew what Amanda was doing. She was asking for permission to touch her, and ironically, that was a first for her. Olivia reluctantly broke the lip lock, and a look of pure amazement at the beautiful, compassionate woman in her arms made one tiny droplet escape the corner of her eye, and show itself down the side of her face. A smooth, warm thumb pad swiftly wiped it away and replaced it with a soft, lingering kiss.

"We don't have to do this, Liv."

The brunette's mind went into overdrive, blaming herself for teasing the blonde or seeming disingenuous with her interest, when all she really wanted to do was take it slow, for once in her life, and do it right. She never had a lover or a partner who made her feel the way she does when she with Amanda, and she wanted to savior that for the rest of her life. Panic filled her body as she felt the younger woman try to lessen the amount of contact, dropping her hands from the brunette's chest. Olivia immediately took both hands in hers, silently pleading with Amanda to look at her.

"Amanda," she began, caressing porcelain knuckles, "I want to do this, I do. I just-," Olivia paused, trying to command the right words to form a coherent sentence on her tongue. This discontinuance made Amanda's stomach clench in familiarity. Here it was, the inevitable heartbreak when she allowed too much of her vulnerability to seep through, and she would be left once again to pick up the pieces.

"I just don't want to rush this," Liv stated, staring at Amanda, seeing the mild shock in her demeanor. When their eyes locked again, Olivia couldn't begin to count the endless questions that lie within, so she continued, doing her best to answer all those unasked.

"For once in my life, I want to do this right. What we have is real, Amanda. I know because I don't ever recall an instance in my life where I felt so at peace with someone, so _safe._ I'm sorr—" a pair of lips quieted her ramblings, lasting only seconds before the cerulean sea was staring back at her. "Don't say it," Amanda whispered, referring to the unfinished apology that hung in the air, "You never have to be sorry."

She tucked a stray strand of chestnut locks behind Olivia's ear, cupping her cheek and pulling her in for another sensual kiss.

"If I am able to have you in any capacity, that will be enough for me,"


End file.
